


He Sings, Too

by coreopsis



Category: Alkaline Trio (Band), Bandom, Bob Bryar fandom
Genre: AU, Crack, M/M, RPS - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-31
Updated: 2010-10-31
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coreopsis/pseuds/coreopsis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bob accidentally builds a sexbot in his basement.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Sings, Too

**Author's Note:**

> for villiagegreen, who has the best cracky ideas.

"You have to promise not to laugh," Bob says, standing in front of the closed door to his basement workshop like Brian is not going another step without a solemn vow of seriousness. Brian just looks at him because there's no way he's promising any such thing. After a long moment of staring at each other intently, Bob sighs and looks away and Brian smiles. He always wins.

"Can we get on with this? I have stuff to do." Brian reaches for the door knob and gropes Bob's hip a little because it's there. As Bob moves out of the way and then follows Brian down the stairs, Brian says, "I don't know why you're being so secretive and won't just tell me what you've done now."

"You don't have to sound like I'm always doing weird stuff."

"One word, Bob. Weasels."

"I thought you weren't going to mention that again?" Bob flips the switch on the wall to turn the lights up brighter.

"No, I said I'd stop mentioning it _randomly_. I think this situation calls for it." Brian walks over to the sheet-covered shape in the corner and nods, "Come on, show me what you've got."

"Okay." Bob puts his hand on the sheet but doesn't pull it off right away. He seems to be unaware that he's stroking it lightly as he says, "Remember when I was complaining about Jimmy and Todd not being as committed to being in a band as I am and you said I should just build a robot band?"

Brian blinks and then groans and rubs his hand over his face. "I was drunk and also joking."

"I didn't build a whole band. Just one. Just to see if it would work." Bob is not looking Brian in the eye now and he still hasn't pulled the sheet off yet.

"And did it?" Brian prods when Bob doesn't continue.

"No." Bob strokes the sheet and then shrugs. "Yes? Sort of. He can sing and play a bunch of instruments. There's no problem with guitar, bass, drums--even piano." He motions to the other end of the basement where all those instruments are set up as if just waiting for a band to walk in and pick them up.

"I sense a 'but' coming," Brian says, and reaches for the sheet. He pulls it off to reveal a stunningly realistic android. If he didn't know Bob better, he'd think this was all a prank. Bob would play a practical joke on him, but not like this and he'd never draw some guy Brian doesn't know into it.

And Brian would definitely remember meeting this guy. He's tall, handsome, has dark blond hair, and Brian would bet that if the android opened his eyes they'd be blue. Bob definitely knows Brian's type all right. Bob hasn't put a shirt on him, only a pair of gym shorts, and Brian raises his eyebrows at the tattoos on the android's chest, side, arms, and legs. "Um, nice ink."

"Thanks. Some of it was a bitch to draw. I finally gave up on free hand and started using stencils. It took so long I didn't have much time to work on his hair. You like the nose ring? I put that in just for you."

Bob looks so pleased that Brian wants to kiss him and tell him it's okay. But that 'but' is still hanging in the air unanswered. "So what's wrong with it?"

"Something went wonky when I tried to give him the ability to play brass and woodwinds." Bob reaches out and strokes the delicate curves of the android's upper lip. "He wants to blow...but not make music. I had to cut his power because he kept trying to take my pants off."

Brian is trying desperately not to laugh, but it's tough. His voice comes out strangled when he finally manages, "You made a sexbot?"

Bob ducks his head and rubs a hand over his mouth before sheepishly saying, "It was an accident?"

"You don't sound too sure of that. Was it really an accident? Or are you trying to replace me with the perfect boyfriend?"

"No. What? Fuck no!" Bob's surprise fades away after a moment and he says, "If you're fishing for compliments, thinking I'll reassure you that you're already the perfect boyfriend, then you're shit out of luck."

"I'm wounded, Bob, really," Brian says flatly. He knows he's not perfect but things have been going pretty well between them and he'd be genuinely shocked if Bob wanted to dump him for someone else--especially an accidental sexbot. Bob is secretly a romantic motherfucker and there's just no way he would--

"But I was thinking," Bob says abruptly and then doesn't continue and Brian wonders if maybe he misread Bob at some point and he's totally the kind of guy who dump his imperfect boyfriend for a sexbot. A tall, athletic sexbot with--Brian pulls the elastic waistband of android's shorts out away from his body and takes a peek--an unfair advantage.

"It's anatomically correct and pretty fucking gifted, Bob. I can guess what you were thinking."

"Threesome," Bob blurts out and he's blushing. "I didn't plan it that way, but...well, we could. If you wanted to."

Brian looks from Bob to the sexbot and back again. He doesn't know if he wants to. It should be a no-brainer, right? What man wouldn't want a no strings attached threesome with two very hot guys? Obviously, there's strings with Bob but the other one is a robot that they can just power down when they're done. It's like a six foot four inch sex toy. With a really pretty mouth and a very nice ass. Brian nods toward the back of the sexbot and says, "Did you give it everything?"

Bob nods and his cheeks are so red he looks like his beard's about to catch fire at any moment. "It's...self-lubricating?"

"Yeah, I can see how you could totally do that by accident."

"I added it later. When the, um, _flaws_ became obvious..."

"Yeah, flaws." Brian nods seriously. "Yeah, I mean, you would, right?"

Bob looks relieved and Brian decides not to tell him he was being sarcastic. Instead he takes a step back and waves at the sexbot. "Turn it on."

"If you're going to have sex with him, you should treat him like a person." Bob goes around behind the android and kneels on the floor so he probably doesn't see the way Brian rolls his eyes.

"Okay, what should I call it--him. Did you name him?"

"I call him Matt."

"What does that stand for? Motion-Activated-T...T...um. Terminator...something?"

Bob pokes his head around the android's legs and says, "What? No, it's not an acronym. It's short for Matthew. I just thought it was a nice name."

Brian scrubs his face and groans, wondering how the hell this is his life. "Oh, my God. An accidental sexbot. Fuck."

"I sing too," a low voice says and Brian looks up to see the sexbot staring at him with no particular expression on his face.

"Um." Brian throws a wide-eyed glance Bob's way but Bob is stroking his hand up the sexb--Matt's back and across his shoulders. Matt's eyes close briefly and the corner of his mouth twitches. He smoothly raises his hands in a very human gesture, palms up and long fingers curling in a coaxing motion. His gaze is warm and welcoming and Brian feels horribly conflicted. He would never cheat on Bob, but...Matt is really tempting and Bob is right there, apparently willing to participate.

Matt tilts his head and considers Brian for a moment. "May I suck your dick please?"

Brian laughs a little hysterically and says, "You gave him manners!"

"I had to after he kept trying to molest me. I didn't program the dick sucking though, so who knows how that'll turn out. Give him a test drive if you want."

"What are you going to be doing?"

Bob looks at him like he's stupid and says, "I thought I'd see if that self-lubricating thing actually works."

Brian licks his lips and pictures it in his mind. It might take them a few minutes to work out the logistics, but that's pretty much what he does. He makes things work.

And this? Is totally going to work.

 

The end.


End file.
